Grandpa was summoned to the IRS office for an audit. The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The auditor sighed, "Sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment. You claim that you make your money gambling. This does not seem credible."
"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," said Grandpa. "How about a demonstration?"
The auditor thought for a moment and said, "Fine. Go ahead."
Grandpa said, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."
The auditor looked hard at Grandpa and then said, "It's a bet."
Grandpa calmly removed his glass eye and bit it. The auditor's jaw dropped.
Grandpa looked at the auditor sternly and said, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."
The auditor could tell that Grandpa wasn't blind, so he took the bet.
Grandpa removed his dentures and bit his good eye.
The auditor realized he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He started to get nervous.
Grandpa saw his opportunity and asked, "Wanna go double or nothing? I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, pee into that wastebasket on the other side, but never get a drop anywhere in between."
The auditor, twice burned, was more cautious, but after careful consideration decided there was no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agreed again.
Grandpa stood beside the auditor's desk and unzipped his pants, and, although he strained mightily, he couldn't make his stream reach the wastebasket on the other side. What he did do was urinate all over the auditor's desk.
This made the auditor leap with joy, realizing that he just won six thousand dollars.
But Grandpa's own attorney moaned and put his head in his hands.
"Are you okay?" the auditor asked.
"Not really," said the attorney. "This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and take a leak all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!"
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