Lawyer Jokes - 1

Legal Punishment

A man died and was sent to Hell. As he passed sulfurous pits and shrieking sinners, he saw a man he knew to be a lawyer snuggling up to a beautiful woman.

“That’s unfair!” he cried. “I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman.”

“Shut up,” barked the devil, jabbing him with his pitchfork. “How dare you question that woman’s punishment?”

Going to the Dogs

A lawyer's dog, running off-leash, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast from the counter.

The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "If an off-leash dog steals meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment from the dog's owner?"

"Absolutely."

"Then you owe me ten dollars. Your dog stole a roast from me today."

The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check (attorneys don't carry cash).

Several days later, the butcher receives a letter from the lawyer. Opening it, he reads, “Invoice: Dog Law Consultation- $100.00.”

Dining Out

Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered drinks. As soon as the waiter left, the lawyers opened their briefcases and each pulled out a sandwich and started to eat.

The owner quickly marched over and exclaimed, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!"

The lawyers looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders, and exchanged sandwiches.

My Brethren

Did you hear about the lawyer hurt in an accident?
An ambulance stopped suddenly.


The BMW

A corporate lawyer brashly threw open the door to his new BMW. A delivery truck hit the open door and ripped it off completely.

When a police officer arrived at the scene, the lawyer was obsessing over the damage to his BMW, shouting, "Look what it did to my Bee-mer!"

The officer questioned his priorities saying, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, you haven’t even noticed that your left arm was ripped off!"

"Oh my gaawd!” squawked the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody stump where his arm once was, "Where's my Rolex?!”

Live Long

A doctor told his patient that she had only six months to live.
"Isn't there anything I can do?" pleaded the patient.
"Marry a lawyer," the doctor advised. "It will be the longest six months of your life.”

Legal Terrorism

Terrorists hijacked an airplane full of lawyers.
They threatened that, until all their demands were met, they would release one lawyer every hour.

Sporty Lawyers

Why are certain lawyers really good at racquetball?
Because they stoop so low.

Lawyer Jokes

Q. What is wrong with lawyer jokes?

A. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes.

 

 

by, Bob Anderton

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